A Girls Guide To...

After writing my blog yesterday I did some research and actually found another interesting blog that almost proved my point. The blog title was "A Girls Guide To Watching Football." I was almost hoping that this was a joke but in fact it was an article that gave girls types on how to basically 'fake' liking football in order to impress guys. I should have known that there would have been an article out there like this one but I was hoping that the female race would actually prove me wrong.

Maybe I was built differently and it is possible that being fake is just not in my nature but it absolutely boggles my mind that girls try so hard to impress guys. Why would we do that for them when they don't give us that luxury? Guys have no problem burping, farting, picking their nose, or discussing publicly the last time they embraced the porcelain thrown. Guys are hardly ever fake, what you see is what you get. But with girls, it gets a little more complicated. The coverup she lathers on in the morning could be hiding scars from her acne days, her Victoria Secret PINK hoodie could be covering some extra belly fat she is trying to get rid of and the wonders of the world that are hiding in her Michael Khors purse are never to be exposed to the male race. We hide almost everything! And for the things we don't hide, we make-up! Would we much rather be watching the newest episode of Teen Mom instead of pretending to cheer for some sweating guys wearing football gear in colors we don't like covered in bulky helmets so we can't even see how cute they are?!? For most girls the answer is no! But society has trained woman to adapt to the male culture and transform ourselves into something that is more desirable for them, someone who is more accommodating to their lifestyle. We need to be pretty but not wear too much make-up, we need to be smart but not smarter then our boyfriend, successful but not make more money than our significant other, we need to be independent but be there for them when they call, we have to work hard but also find time to cook dinner at the end of the day, we need to be athletic and work out and be somewhat knowledgable in whatever sport they like but don't talk too much when the game is on!

Fact: Being a female today is not as easy as it looks. Yeah sure we might catch some breaks here and there and hopefully our good looks DO give us an advantage! And if that is what we were blessed with in order to off set all of the other hurdles we have to overcome than so be it! We should not have to go out and buy cute football attire or spend the entire day making finger foods for our boyfriends friends so they are content when they are watching the football game, unless of course there is an exception for the very few of us out there that do enjoy watching football. Would you ever catch a guy cutting cheese for our crackers and wine while we gossip over Miranda's heart-aches during Sex and The City? Would he ever spend his limited spare time researching the relationship history of Carrie so that he could be updated and knowledgable for the next time the girls are watching the series together? Granted, us girls would probably never date a guy who did this but why are we being taught 'guides' on how to learn and be more interested in his interests?

Girls, we spend way too much time as it is trying to be the perfect woman that our guy desires. At the end of a long week or a long day if all you want to do is sit down, have a glass of wine, and read the escapades of Chelsea Handler in her new book "Lies Chelsea Handler Told Me" instead of watching the LSU Alabama championship game with a bunch of drunk guys then go right ahead! You have earned it! It takes way too much time to try and impress a guy when at the end of the day he is going to find out who you really are so pretending to be interested in football and know the offense from the defensive is just a waste of time. If you don't like football, give him his time with the guys and spend time doing whatever it is you really want to do!  And for the girls out there who have grown up watching football with their dads since they were 4, continue to enjoy watching the games with your boyfriends but hopefully he likes the same team as your father or Sunday won't be such a fun day!

If my rants and raves have not changed your mind, here is the article on how to pretend to be a football fan for your man!

Panic Attack!

Oh the joys of being a perfectionist! My mother dearest has blessed me with the curse of being a perfectionist and therefore resulting in multiple panic attacks at the most outrageous times. Now, I'm not saying I blame this trait all on my mother, but when I do find a flaw about myself (which is rare) I like to blame it on my parents and they like to blame their grey hairs on me! So we are even, well I think they probably have some payback coming my way for my childhood behavior. I hope my parents never leak to my kids the walkie talkie story!

Anyways, anxiety runs in my family, along with high cholesterol, vertically challenged, heart decease and learning disabilities. My offspring are really going to get off on the right foot! Got to love those genetics! My X chromosome brought me the ability to have anxiety and my Y chromosome brought me high cholesterol. At least having high cholesterol is something you can hide but it's pretty hard to hide a freak out attack.

I remember distinctly the first time I had a full blown anxiety attack. I was in 7th grade and had been entered into solo fest playing my clarinet. Clearly I had practiced day and night and practically memorized my sheet music because I practiced so much. I was over prepared and ready to blow the judges away. But you can imagine what happened when I showed up to perform. I practically forgot how to play and the judges were less than disappointed.... This was only the beginning!

It is weird to think how we all handle stress differently. My father handles it with anger, my mother with tears, my brother with quietness and I'm the crazed anxiety ridden daughter. These panic attacks followed me throughout much of my life. They traveled with me on long road trips where I had no where to go and others in the car had to witness my erratic behavior, they kept me company on long airplane flights when flight attendants had to rearrange seats so I could be next to my mother, they even tagged along at college parties where I had to lock myself in a room for an hour until it passed. The only solution seemed to be medication which made me feel like mush. I have learned how to handle them better now and haven't had one in a while, well except a year ago around this time when I was traveling home in the snow I had one that caused me to black out and I had to pull over until it passed. The gallon of coffee I drank before I left surely didn't help and it would have been helpful if there had been a bathroom where I pulled over.

Note to self: Probably not a good idea having a history of anxiety attacks to inject my body with Dunkin Donuts crack before headed on a long road trip by myself at night in the snow!